September 15, 2005

• There is so much i don't know about myself... It's really interesting. i just finished reading a book, Blue like Jazz. It was good, but i read it noisily... This is something i've been noticing about myself. I am a man - Sam might say that the man part is debatable - but anyway, I am a man who lives life noisily. i decide that I'll do something, then decide that the thing I was thinking of doing was really nonsense. I read something that i know should convict me to live life differently, so i agree with it and move on before it can affect my spirit. it would be dangerous to believe what I know, because then i might actually follow it. For me, as of late, meditation, quietness of the spirit, etc. is out of the question. I don't know if anyone connects with that, but as of late (realisticly most of my life) I've just been so noisy... so preoccupied with knowing spiritual secrets that I don't take time to let the Spirit actually speak to me. I don't know if anyone connects with what I'm feeling. If i sound like I have any spiritual knowlege, its ussually because I'm regurgitating the party line. You know what I mean? I say Christian things because i'm a Christian, not because i actually have seen the character of God, his love, move me. I should remember that Christian rhetoric is not what makes Christianity. God is. me and Colin had a real good conversation tonight... he knows stuff that I have no clue about. Which is comforting... it's like having a tutor in my worst subject... i think he's gonna help me pass the test. One more random thought. Misery loves company, but that's just b/c everyone loves company. Hope loves company too, and i'd be willing to bet that hope loves company more than misery does.

  • 12:00 am
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