I read your xanga tonight. Yeah, I totally understand what you're saying. This is why fellowship is so very important. The world is a very very lost dark place, way more dark than most of us realize.  The real world is spiritual warfare everday - it's real, it's ugly, it's for keeps, and it reeks of death. You and Jim have not been exposed much to the pure depression of it - but you will be and in fact are now.  Jimmy will come face to face with it like never before this year at NYU.  To hide from it , I used drugs as a kid, and alcohol as an adult, to mask the pain, even while in the church pew.  Different people will use different methods to mask the pain.  It's still a mask, whether it's materialism, or drugs, perversion, or humanism - it's a mask to cope with the pain and defer reality.  It's pretty sick, and yet it's a life people have chosen, many out of selfishness not wanting to acknowledge God - it's totally nuts.  As you can see at Berkley, there is an abundance of lost people, an abundance of need, but it's not much different at UTSA or anywhere else.  It's the world refusing to deal in reality with spiritual decisions.

A word to the wise, like in the movie The Never Ending Story, the "darkness" sucks everything into it that is in its path. The only way to survive not being sucked into it is to daily and continually radically acknowledge the life of Christ and constantly draw on fellowship with other believers. You can't fight the darkness in your own strength, and you're not suppose to even try to in your own strength. Only when Jesus is the only thing left in you can you stand in the path of darkness and darkness turn to light.  This only makes sense.  John 3:19-21 The light from heaven came into the world, but they loved the darkness more than the light , for their actions were evil.  20 They hate the light because they want to sin in the darkness. They stay away from the light for fear their sins will be exposed and they will be punished.  21 But those who do what is right come to the light gladly, so everyone can see that they are doing what God wants.
NLT

2 Corinthians 4:5-18 We don't go around preaching about ourselves; we preach Christ Jesus, the Lord. All we say about ourselves is that we are your servants because of what Jesus has done for us. 6 For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness," has made us understand that this light is the brightness of the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.  7 But this precious treasure — this light and power that now shine within us — is held in perishable containers, that is, in our weak bodies. So everyone can see that our glorious power is from God and is not our own.  8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. 9 We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. 10 Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.  11 Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be obvious in our dying bodies. 12 So we live in the face of death, but it has resulted in eternal life for you.  13 But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, "I believed in God, and so I speak."   14 We know that the same God who raised our Lord Jesus will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself along with you. 15 All of these things are for your benefit. And as God's grace brings more and more people to Christ, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.  16 That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. 17 For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! 18 So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not yet seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever. "

Conclusion - Our job is not to defeat the darkness, to win the lost is not our purpose - that has already been done on the cross.  Our job is "Matthew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world — like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see.  15 Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all.  16 In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father."  Our job isn't to beg or plead with the lost to acknowledge God, because our efforts do not win the lost, but our lives alive to Christ attract the lost who desire to find God.  We have only to "be" the light because He is the light.   How amazing it is that we have only to "be" alive to Christ and He takes care of the rest.  The world is not our burden, the darkness has already been defeated.  We are not required to use our strength but to rest in His strength by subitting our wills to His.  It's that easy, unless we're unwilling to submit our will to His.  And, for those that desire God, our light draws them, and for those that do not desire God, there is nothing better than them seeing our light and dependance upon God to draw them to face their unreality.

Love, Dad.