November 13, 2005

  • Well thanks for all the feedback, guys. It's making me think. I'm not writing this in defense of what I said, but because you guys are challenging (in a good way i.e. correcting or bringing perspective to) what I said before. More than anything, I don't want the physical to dominate my life. I want to be capable of falling in love with someone who is by the world's standards, " butt ugly" just as easily as I can fall in love with a stunningly gorgeous girl.


    So here are my thoughts after thinking about your thoughts. By the way, I agree with everything you said, and the following is not written to disagree with you. I think that all the comments agree with what I'm about to say.


    Desire for sex will be necessary for good sex. After thinking about what you said, I've reevaluated what my thoughts were. I think that the mere desire for sex is only half of the equation. It's the carnal without the spiritual, and nothing of god is merely of the world. "Whatever is not of faith is sin." We are not to deny the body, but to put it in submission to Christ. I guess what I mean is that if lust is your definition for sexual desire and not inordinant sexual desire then lust is well and good. What I mean is, God wants to transform all our sexual thought into, "Look how wonderful marriage and it's benefits are.", not "Look how wonderful it is that marriage got me to sex." I guess what I'm saying is that marriage is not a means to an end. It is true, physical attraction is very necessary for marriage, but the only appropriate outlet for an expression of  love IS LOVE . I think it is of God to wait until that "one" relationship until I make any part of me "one" with the opposite sex. The Word says, "Don't awaken love before it so desires." Here is what I'm saying. Yes, we have sexual desire. We (including myself [heck yes!]) are (pardon the crassness) horny little teenagers and that is not bad in and of itself. Still, that sexual drive is not to be arroused in any way until it within the correct context (marriage) which was created by the same one who created the sexual drive in the first place. Wow... welcome to my stream of conciousness. If what I said was not biblical, although I believe with all my heart that this is God's truth, then throw away what was not true, and keep what was. But don't ignore something I said because it may challenge your flesh or intellectual predisposition. "We see very shadily as through a glass, but one day we'll see clearly as He does." I'm going to go back and read your comments 'cause I want to know the truth, not just what I am prone to believe. Love you guys! Have a really good day in Him!

Comments (6)

  • helpful clarification. I agree that the goal of marriage should be marriage and eternal love, not marriage for the sake of having sex. the focus is totally different. I guess what we need to establish though, is the difference between sexual desire in it's correct time and place versus sexual desire outside of God's will/God's timing. As Chels said, I think we all struggle with desire--it's a God-given instinct, I think. But it's being careful to (as you said dave) not awaken love before its appropriate time.

    Good thoughts...thanks david.

  • very good. i agree with you. that's what i was trying to say.

    i agree, and especially with the part about ignoring the advice simply because it may challenge the flesh. but sometimes you have to look at it and say, "why does this sound inherently bad? it certainly must have a purpose if God created it." and sometimes intellectual disposition is formed from parents' wisdom that we are fed as head knowledge, until we grow in wisdom and we discover it as heart knowledge too.

    have a good day dude. :)

  • i love the fact that my closest friends are able to gather and discuss this like this.   i am SO BLESSED to be back at sacs.  a conversation about sex and marriage at hc, or pretty much anywhere else for that matter, would be completely different.      dave your such a channel of god.  i do hope that you always realize the giver of all wisdom.

       your the best papa

  • David-I'm always pleasantly surprised when I travel to your site and read your posts.
    I'd like to respond even though i'm not one of your 'boys.'

    Sex has been the taboo of most Christian homes. You don't think about it, you don't talk about it. And there's no struggle and no disappointment. That's how it was in my house growing up anyway. But that fact of the matter is ALL teenagers struggle with it (hence the term "horny" correct?) (ALL PEOPLE for that matter...married or not.)
    Being someone who is myself MARRIED-there is much more to the communing relationship between a man and his wife than sex. However ALL the ways you connect with and on every level all affect sex. So to marry for a clear conscience and sinless sex is a wrong step.
    The bottom line is to ALWAYS try to keep your relationship with God right cause you may never know if God wants to bring some amazing "butt-ugly" girl into your life who when you become one in marriage will "wow" you forever when you have sex... but you may miss her if your thoughts are otherwise engaged in the musings of teenagers (ie lust of the flesh...) (And of course "butt-ugly" is a relative term when you fall in love they become beautiful because BEAUTY is God's spirit inside.) (Jim Carrey was wrong-"That's only somehting ugly people say...")

    My advice every time i give it (and most DO NOT listen from my vantage point) is that instead of looking for the physically attractive, you should be looking for like-minded and compatable to your the calling of God on your life. It does not boil down to an "I'm lonely cause my standards are too high..." though you may eventually feel like that. Or "I'm embarassed cause people accuse me of being gay cause my standards are too high..." the world is mean. (Is that a news flash?)

    You're better off too NOT having to tell your ACTUAL future how many people you've had sex with over the years...talk about affecting your marriage relationship...

    Anway-this was a little scatterbrained. It's sorta hard to have a conversation with someone when you're doing all the talking. Take the meat and leave the bones.

    xo
    adrienne

  • LOL, David . . . I was just popping by your xanga to say hello . . . you guys actually have real conversations on xanga, very cool.
    ps- I hope the picture doesn't look like the old British lady you remember!

  • thanks for being honest dave. it's good stuff.

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