November 1, 2005

  • So today was a good day. I've been hangin' out at the casa today and things have been really slow even if they're fun. It was fun taking pictures and the guys really helped clean up afterward so it wasn't a bad aftermath. Danny and Kris stayed for a while afterward and that's nice. Man, check out the weather! It's amazing.

    I've been thinking. You know that Colin Hay song off the Garden State soundtrack? He talks about how he's in love with this girl and they didn't work out. Yeah, sounds cliche, but then he begins to talk about the fact that though he really is ok that it happened, he'll never be able to treat himself as though he doesn't love this girl, beacuase "even after all these years..." he can't stop loving her.

    I'm going to be completely honest. I am completely content. Chelsea and I are what we are and God has that whole thing figured out, but today just found me fondly remembering all the good times we had together. This one time, me and evans spent the night up at Joshua Creek Ranch and sat by the fire all night. When we came back home the next day, I was coming back and just though maybe Chelsea and I could hang out. Well I called her and she hadn't showered and I told her that I smelled like ashes, so we decided we'd probably be a perfect match. Maybe if we both were smelly, neither of us would notice. So we spent the day together and a good time was had by all. Also today, I was reminded of the times when I was so confident in the way I felt about her, feeling the same way I do today.

    So I'm sitting here, drving to get a suit for banquet with my mom (yay! ) and thinking about how so much has changed and how I'm content with it all. I was in love with Chelsea, and I suppose I will continue to be so in a way where I must appreciate the past and trust God for what is in the present and future. Trusting in God in the same way that I feel Chelsea and I did together for over 2 years. Now I don't want you to be confused. I am truly content, but I will always be thankful for that past. Any of you that know me... I mean any of you that I talk to more than at school and church, you know that my thoughts over the whole break-up thing have been in constant change, but now that I've been removed from that day for over three months now, I've had a chance to learn the truth of the situation.

    Here is the truth. I was in love. the Lord allowed me this indescribable love. There were times when I felt like I could have married Chelsea, and I think when I meet my wife several years down the rode, when I feel the way I did at that time for Chelsea, I will know that that girl is the one I'm to marry. But we were in high school, and most of the time it's a bad idea to get married when your seventeen years old. So as I continue with what I have learned is the truth, another part of the truth is that after Chelsea and I broke up, we agreed that this is what God wanted for her. I also believe that that is what God wants for me as well, and at the very least it has opened up so many oppurtunities to love people who I never would have been able to know well if Chelsea and I were still dating. Then after Chelsea and I had been broken-up for a while, I started wanting a black and white explanation for what had gone on. Black and white is more appealing because it makes things easier to understand. I wanted to think that I could only fall in love with the woman I'm going to marry, so I forgot the beauty of our relationship, and decided that since we didn't end up like Cinderella, it musn't have been real. I'm sorry for thinking that. It was not true, but I wasn't looking to lie or hurt when I believed. That was the last stage of my thoughts until the last 4 weeks or so. Now I'm beginning to understand that life is complex and love is fairly simple and the two often collide with results that aren't bad or good, just not the archetype. So I'm at peace with that now. I'm sorry... deeply sorry... for the confusion. - Love you guys so much, *Dave

    P.S. - Oh, and I'm going to ask you guys to not comment unless you really have something to say b/c this is something that's pretty private and a lot of you guys just don't have a place in it. I wrote this so that you guys would know about what I've been wanting to talk about for a long time now. I too have real things happen in my life, and i didn't want anyone to feel like the only reason I believe in God is because only trivial things happen to me. However, until now I didn't feel like it was okay to share these things. See ya tomorrow, my friends.

Comments (3)

  • David, I really admire this entry and it gives me a lot of insight into your maturity and point of view.  I understand about thinking you're in love.  I thought I was in love with Josh, but instead I was using him to fill a void that should have been filled with my relationship with Christ.  Once I broke up with him, I was able to get my priorities straight and realize that Josh wasn't the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.  However, I do think about the great times we had together and that I sincerely liked him and hanging out with him.  After we broke up, we were both really bitter, I think and that hurt more than breaking up.  Finally, this year, we've been able to go back to how we were when we were dating, except we aren't.  We talk and laugh and share really good times, but there's no stress of being attached at the hip.  Now with Andrew, there's something completely different.  There were some times when I thought Josh was going to drive me crazy and I just had to get away from him.  Andrew does things that I know would normally annoy me to pieces, but instead, I find them cute or quirky and they don't phase me at all.  I find that when I haven't heard from him in a few hours, I worry about him even though I know he's perfectly fine.  It's a whole different kind of love because the relationship started with prayer and is centered around God's will.  I don't love him for just the physical person he is, I love him because he loves God more than me.  Which in turn, I've found, enables him to love me more.  I didn't mean to ramble, your entry just made me think and I kind of wanted to share how I see things...  Thanks for being a great friend.
    ~Rae

  • sorry i just say that u left me a comment like 2 days ago well hey -maggy-

  • i am so glad to see that God has given you peace.  see ya tonight kid!

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